Ben’s February Letter
Dear Friends in Christ,
The heart-shaped candy has been in stores for nearly a month. Flowers will start to spike in price within days. Make dinner reservations now. Valentine’s Day is coming, and love is in the air. But here’s my Valentine’s Day secret: this holiday for love really undersells what love is, and what love is for.
Ancient Greek-speakers (including the people who wrote down the New Testament) used six different words that are translated into modern English as “love”. Xenia was love expressed as hospitality. Philautia was love for oneself—sometimes healthy, and sometimes dangerous. Storge was the kind of natural affection one might feel for a parent or child, or for one’s home or country. Philia was the kind of affectionate regard and loyalty one might feel for a friend, family, or community. Eros is the love Valentine’s Day celebrates—erotic love, but also the deeper feelings of connection to another person it might inspire. Agape is Christianity’s favorite kind of love—the kind of unconditional love God shows us, and which we try to show to one another. They are all love, and perhaps you have felt them all. None of these loves are simple or easy. All have the capacity to be painful. All of them require work, practice. I wish they all got a holiday. Or maybe I wish the holiday we have looked at love in all of its broadness and depth. Because the day we have can be painful without eros. But it can still be full of xenia, philautia, storge, philia, and of course agape. Yes, this is a corny reminder that a holiday for love can (and should) include strangers, yourself, your friends, your community, and God. By all means, buy flowers and chocolate for a spouse or partner. But on a day about love—let’s not forget exactly how big and how deep love is.
I will give you a challenge this month: to express love in as many ways as you can. Show hospitality to a stranger. Honor your own gifts and purpose. Express affection to friends and family. Spend time (if even in memory) with partner. Worship God, and understand God’s love for you. They don’t make candy hearts for most of these. But then again—what is a candy heart compared to the love of God? Remember this month (and every month) that love is bigger than our words can easily grasp. Practice it anyway, stretching with it and for it, imitating in every kind of love the model set for us with Jesus.
Wishing you a month of love in all its forms,
In Christ,
Rev. Ben